The Worst Movies... Ever

Congratulations, Blues Brothers 2000!

 

Eagle-eyed readers might notice that I have a particular distaste for bad remakes and sequels. And well, here's another one. 

The Blues Brothers 2000 is a phenomenally shitty movie. Watching it is truly makes you wonder whether they intended for it to be that bad, or whether someone switched out the script for something some jackass wrote on the back of a snot rag.

Following the old Hollywood adage: "a sequel should be the same movie as the original, only shittier," the Blues Brothers 2000 is the story of Elwood Blues trying to get the band back together (again) on a Mission from God (again) with the help of Mighty Mack (John Goodman), the Kid (J. Evan Bonifant), Cabel Chamberlain (Joe Morton) and The Band (no, not that one). 

The only difference is Elwood has to do this without the help of Joliet Jake (John Belushi) who had the good sense to die rather than appear in the movie.  

Oh, and the whole time they're being pursued by Nazis (again), eventually making their way to a battle of the bands contest against possibly the greatest Fake Band ever -- the Louisiana Gator Boys -- featuring Eric Clapton, B.B. King, Steve Winwood, Bo Diddley, Issac Hayes, and Lou Rawls. 

Well, big surprise, the Blues Brothers lose (as would any band up against the Gator Boys not featuring, you know, actual deities), and Elwood asks if the Gator Boys whether they would like to jam. Because neither that scene (nor much of the movie, really) is not on YouTube, here's a video that seems appropriate. 

 

When you look at it, it was sort of inevitable that Blues Brothers 2000 would suck. It was written by Dan Aykroyd, who five years before had written the crappy Coneheads movie, and directed by John Landis, who four years before had directed Beverly Hills Cop III (a movie so bad it might one day work it's way into this series). 

Plus, it was released in 1998, not 2000. This forces you to imagine what must have been an actual conversation 

Studio exec: What are you gonna call it? 

Aykroyd: Well, it's going to be released in 1998, so we thought we'd just call it, you know, Blues Brothers 1998. 

Studio exec: What are you, a fucking idiot? Nobody's going to go see a movie called Blues Brothers 1998. 

Aykroyd: Well, okay. What do you think we should call it? 

Studio exec: Blues Brothers 2000, of course. People will think it's awesome if we call it that. 

Aykroyd: You know, I think you're right!