Celebrity Birthday of the Day

Happy Birthday, Alex Mack! 

Err... I mean, Larisa Oleynick!

We all remember you, Larisa! You had that show, The Secret World of Alex Mack. 

And then, well, you disappeared! Maybe it was a side effect of getting that "weird chemical" dumped on you. For a while, sure, it must have been fun having all those powers, because after all, getting cool powers like telekinesis is usually what happens when people get weird chemicals dumped on them. 

Well, not really. But who would watch a show called The Horrible World of Chemical Burn Victim Alex Mack, right?

But now I get it. Yes. You probably developed cancer. I mean, let's face it, that "weird chemical" was probably radioactive waste. That's the only thing that could explain you getting those powers, and then cancer. Really, I've seen it in the movies before! But don't feel so bad. It wasn't your fault. The armored van they put that barrel of radioactive waste in was so crappy it's door wasn't built to withstand the shock of running over a curb and a fire hydrant. So, you know, I suppose it's a good thing they decided to drive it down a suburban street. 

But maybe you didn't get cancer. Maybe you just decided to disappear as a way of getting off your crappy show. I suppose that's better than what usually happens to the victims of radioactive waste in Hollywood -- becoming huge and menacing all of mankind. 

So Happy Birthday, Larisa. You'll show up again soon, breathing fire and withstanding the combined efforts of the world's military forces, only to be brought down by a lone scientist no one believes in. I've seen that one before, too.