The Miscast-ies -- A Tribute to Hilariously Bad Casting

The Miscasties, for those of you who don't remember, is my tribute to horrible casting choices from the world of cinema. For instance, I was once cast as Winthrop Paroo in the play The Music Man. The problem? Winthrop is supposed to be, like, 6, whereas I was like, 11 or 12, and nearly six-foot tall. 

Thankfully, the rich, famous and talented people of Hollywood usually get it better than that. But not always. And sometimes -- spectacularly not always. 

In this instance, the Miscastie goes to..........................

Cameron Diaz! For her role as football franchise owner and massive bitch Christina Pagniacci in Oliver Stone's legendary turdbomb Any Given Sunday! 

The Wikipedia entry on Diaz's character Pagniacci neatly sums up what I'm talking about.

"The owner of the Miami Sharks who inherited the team from her father. Given the team's poor results in the last few years, which she attributes to Coach D'Amato's "old-school methods", she attempts to take a more hands-on approach to the team, including bringing in innovative offensive coordinator Nick Crozier. She shows disregard for players' feelings and well-being, convincing Mandrake to cover up injuries. She has hinted several times that D'Amato will not return after his contract expires, adding to his distractions. She also begins political maneuvers that cause confrontation with the AFFA Commissioner and the Mayor of Miami." 

Does that kind of ball-busting Jerry Jones-style biznatch sound like something ditzy, goofy, empty-headed surfer girl Cameron Diaz could pull of to you?

No, me neither. The closest thing to an actual clip of Diaz's acting in this hunk of shit I could find is from the trailer (which should give you some idea of how bad the rest of the movie is).

In case you're wondering, she did actually ask Al Pacino (also poorly cast), "why the hell do you think my father put me in charge of the team you bullheaded moron?" 

Wonderful writing. Basically, Stone needed a female Gordon Gekko, and boy did he ever not get it. Try to imagine Cameron Diaz doing this famous monologue from Wall Street and you'll see what I mean. 

Yeah. Not so much. 

So congratulations, Cameron. You were pretty hot in The Mask, and of course we all loved you in There's Something About Mary. But ruthless career woman roles? For the love of God, no.