Showing posts with label not yet dead set. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not yet dead set. Show all posts

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Not-Yet-Dead Set, featuring Eli Wallach


"To be or not to be"? asks Hamlet, somewhere in the 35th hour of the play that bears his name. "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of David of 'David and Goliath' fame and apparently some Comanches, or to nuke those motherfuckers and just be done with it?..." 

Note: my memory might be faulty on that last part

Anyhow, every year thousands of children are forced to read that speech, and some, like me (thanks, Mrs. Rafter!) are forced to (sort of) memorize it. 


Read at the above speed, Hamlet still takes seven or eight hours to complete. 

I mention this speech here at the top because it's probably the most famous "should I continue living or not?" speech in literature, and because that seems like a clean setup to talking about people who can be said, by now, to have decided pretty squarely on that question, given that they're older than what geologists like to call "dirt". 

Today's not-dead person? 




Wallach is one of the great character actors in cinema history. Born in 1917 in Brooklyn to Jewish parents, Wallach became involved with acting at a young age, training at the legendary Neighborhood Playhouse under Sanford Meisner, whose alumni include such prestigious actors as Robert Duvall and such, you know, unprestigious actors as Amanda Bearse

Wallach later transferred to the University of Texas, where he acted in student plays with his eventual wife, Anne Sheridan (to whom he's been married since 1948), and his eventual not-wife, Walter Cronkite (yeah, that one). 

After being discharged from WWII (where he served heroically as a staff sergeant in a military hospital), Wallach moved back to New York, where he began taking classes at the New School. He also began acting on Broadway, winning a Tony Award in 1951.  

This eventually led to roles in films, though usually as some sort of ugly and underhanded person. Wallach's first major film, to give you an example, features him trying to extract "erotic vengance" on the wife of a man he thinks has burned down his cotton gin. 

No seriously, they made a movie about that. 

Wallach eventually landed in roles in more, you know, plausible films, including The Misfits, Lord Jim and The Magnificent Seven (cast not against type as a Mexican bandit who menaces a town for money even a random person walking down it's main street should be able to guess it doesn't have). 

All of this, however, led to his role in one of the greatest films ever made, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Portraying another Mexican bandit, Tuco (the Ugly), Wallach transformed the tough, street-wise Tuco into the most vulnerable and human character in the movie. 



Sadly, Wallach's career has never reached the heights his talent probably deserved. He's acted extensively on Broadway and is well respected, but after turning down the role in From Here to Eternity that won Frank Sinatra an Oscar and having a falling out with Sergio Leone, he pretty much faded from view. 

But that's okay. These days Wallach still acts, albeit only sporadically. He nearly saved the mediocre third Godfather movie with a sensational performance as a rival mob boss and earned an Emmy nomination for a role on one of the few good episodes of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. He also proved hilarious as a foul-mouthed liquor store owner in Mystic River (directed by Clint Eastwood). 

Oh, well. Wallach is by all accounts a very nice guy and ranks near the top on a list of Hollywood people I'd most like to meet (the subject of a future post, no doubt). So keep on living, Eli. Some of us out here still love you. 


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The not-yet-dead set


In response to the rather serious plague that seems to be working it's way through the available supply of famous people, today we introduce a new feature here on the Hollywood Humiliation blog: a tribute to those actors, actors, producers, moguls and whores who are not currently dead, even though you probably thought they were. 

Our first un-dead (but not Zombie) person: Herbert Lom

Lom (left) pictured with someone not on this list.

Lom, for those of you jackass-y enough not to be a fan of the Pink Panther series of movies, is most famous for playing the tormented and (eventually) insane Inspector Dreyfus in, uh, that Pink Panther series of movies. 

Lom was born in Austria-Hungary (back when that was still a country) with the not-too-business-card friendly name Herbert Charles Angelo Kuchacevich von Schluderbacheru. Oh, and this was in 1917, making Lom 91 freaking years old (and thus, older than Finland). 

Given that the average life expectancy of a male is about 76, this means Lom has outlived his life expectancy by nearly as long as I've been alive. 


Apparently he's smug about it, too. 

Before retiring in 2004, Lom's career was mostly characterized by his villainous roles, a career choice Lom explained by saying, "in English eyes, all foreigners are sinister." 

This is really too bad, because Lom could be suave and dignified when given the chance. 


Above: not one of those chances. 

So congratulations to you, Herbert. Statistically, someone will have to die a premature death to make up for you. 

Personally, I'm voting for this guy